A certain point of view....

By the time The Force Awakens came out in Dec. of 2015, the question “who is Rey?” was already a topic of much debate.  I want to revisit this question (4 years later) as the debate rages on leading up to episode IX.  I’ve had numerous conversations, debates and interactions online that have helped shape this opinion: I believe she is the youngest child of Han and Leia Solo.  

Furthermore, I think that Rey was at Luke’s Jedi academy when Ben burnt it to the ground, but Ben spared her - and it was Ben that stashed her away on Jakku.  Kylo knows exactly who she is the whole time where everyone else believes she died in the massacre at the academy.  Han and Leia don't recognize her as their possible daughter bc they think she's dead.  Luke too.  Plus Luke has turned off the Force so he can't "see" her in that regard either.

I realize there is much speculation involved with most fan theories, and not all evidence is equal.  Disagree if you like but hopefully by the end of this you’ll understand and appreciate why I’m confident in this idea.

Much of the "evidence" can, by themselves, be counted as coincidence, but there is a lot of coincidence:

1. Rey has a doll of a rebel pilot. Maybe she made it.  Maybe it was with her when she got dropped off.
2. Rey knows how to fight - with a staff and seems comfortable with a light saber. Growing up a junker, she probably had to fight by necessity. But to the degree of her competence... she’s either been taught how to use these items or she is incredibly Force-sensitive/flexible.
3. She can understand/communicate with droids.  This is not a unique talent but it is another similarity to Luke and Anakin.
4. She’s a fantastic pilot like Anakin and Luke and Han.
5. Great mechanic too.  Just like Anakin and Han.
6. Hux says to Kylo (when they are trying to get the map off Jakku), “don’t let your personal interests interfere...” - which is easily explainable as Kylo’s interest in Luke...but does Hux know about his sister?  Got me thinking.  Maybe that’s why Kylo keeps Hux around bc they're frienemies and Kylo told him about it and now Hux is kind of blackmailing him - but they’re both keeping it from Snoke bc they hate him......nah.
7. In old canon, Han and Leia had twins. A boy (Jacen), and a girl (Jaina). While technically the old canon has been thrown out, it makes sense to parallel some of the bigger plot lines - especially for the older SW fans.  It makes sense that if Han and Leia had a son, they’d also have a daughter - even if they weren’t twins.
8. There is a Black Series 6” figure of Jaina Solo. Seems odd to have one but not the other.  Here’s the description of the character:   Jaina is a crack pilot in Rogue Squadron as well as a Jedi student of Luke Skywalker. She is also a skilled mechanic, having learned from her father, Han Solo, and Chewbacca. She is also impressive in combat. Sounds like Rey to me.
9. According to TFA Visual Dictionary, Rey is about 19 yrs old.  Pablo Hidalgo (Lucasfilm Creative Exec) stated on Twitter that Kylo was 29-30.  While Twitter is not canon, having a 10 year age difference does allow for this to fit.
10. She seems to be a combination of all the best traits of Anakin, Luke and Han: strong with the Force, supremely talented, desire to help, motivated, risk-taker, willing to serve and lead. 
11. Rey is dark-haired, dark-eyed, and feisty.....is there another woman in the SW universe this sounds like?
12. Han offers her a blaster and a job.  He could be sympathetic to her situation, he could see her and remember he had a daughter, or maybe there is something more to her than a memory of a daughter....
13. Ben’s reaction to hearing that the deserter stormtrooper and the BB droid escaped the first order with the aide of a girl....was instant and telling. “WHAT GIRL?”  He knew...and was concerned immediately.
14. On Starkiller base, Kylo stated about Rey "She's just beginning to test her powers. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes." He knows that the body will remember it’s functions quicker than the mind will remember it’s memories.... 
15. Kylo to Rey, “Han Solo, you feel like he’s the father you never had....you’d be disappointed.”  That’s obviously his feeling about his dad but he projects onto her that feeling that Han is the father she never had.  He brought it up.  Bc he knows.
16. Let’s get something out of the way here: Rey is not her real name.  I believe “Rey” is the name she gave herself bc she found a rebel pilot helmet early in her junking career and while she daydreamed about being a pilot, she just assumed the name on the side of the helmet.  In Arubesh it spells R-Ae-H.  Too big of an easter egg for it not to have meaning.  
17. She has awareness of Luke (thought he was a myth) and Han (the smuggler) and the Falcon but all are speculative rumors of their existence.  As though she’d overheard a conversation about a story of them...or a memory scratching at the back of her mind. 
18. George Lucas’s “Kira Solo” idea.
19. Speaking of George, in a Vanity Fair promo, they had famous people “ask JJ Abrams anything” and George’s question was “JJ, what happend to Darth Vader’s grandchildren?”  JJ laughs it off and says “you tell me, you made all this shit up.”  Now if I may read wayyyyy too much into this.... George said grandchildren - which is plural.  (unless he meant grandchild REN....hm)  In the EU Darth has grandkids from luke and leia so maybe that’s what he meant - as in "why didn't you use them in the sequels?" Or he could be referring to another sky-walk-er... yet to be revealed in IX.  JJ deferred to him and asks “u tell me” so maybe George’s vision of Han and Leia having 2 kids is still on the table.
20. The last we see Rey in TLJ, she is piloting the Falcon with chewie.  Where Ben should be.  Where he could be still but she is coming into, her heritage, as part of the Solo/Skywalker legacy.
21. When Rey saw Kylo, she shot first (and often), just like Han. (it's a stretch, I know)

So why can’t she remember who she is?

This is the biggest twist to my theory.  Kylo, feeling betrayed by his uncle and Master (and being heavily manipulated by Snoke) destroyed the jedi academy.  But kept his sister alive, presumingly seeing her innocence and was not willing to cut off all family connections completely. We know that Kylo has the ability to pry information from the minds of others so I don’t think it’s a reach for him to be able to hide information in their minds as well.  So knowing that he couldn’t keep “Rey” with him, he tucked her away on a far away planet and in a sense, hid her memories.  When she says she’s no one from no where, it’s actually because that’s all she can say!  She never has gone into who exactly she’s waiting for bc she has no idea the truth is!  Some brief memories come out during the Force dream in Maz’s basement, but that’s it.  Kind of like that spell Hermione places on her parents at the start of Deathly Hallows 1.  With Rey’s abilities, she probably could have left awhile ago but she has an unfulfilled sense to wait for her “family” (which is a rather vague term to use for such a strong sense to stay in a crappy place).  Kylo placed her there and wanted her to stay there, so he mind tricked her into believing it’s where she was supposed to be.  And remember that mind tricking Rey was something Kylo couldn’t do by the time TFA came, however much easier to do to a youngling. She doesn’t really know why she has to go back or whom she’s waiting for.

1. Rey’s Force vision in the basement: when the Skywalker Saber called to her, she saw some things about Luke, heard voices, and I thought the part where she was lying on her back in the rain was compelling.  It’s here where she is seeing something from her past (she’s herself in this part).  Someone comes to attack her but Kylo kills them.  Then he stands with the knights of Ren, and takes steps toward her then the scene immediately changes to young Rey being left on Jakku with Unkar.  She says “don’t leave me” right after the previous scene is Kylo walking toward her?  He advances toward her and then she says don’t leave me.  He advances toward her and then she says don’t leave me!  She is saying it to Kylo.  (cut to Kylo hiding her memories and telling her she needs to wait here for her family [him] to come get her.)
2. Maz has been around and can recognize eyes...when Rey gets up from the table to go talk Finn out of leaving (at Maz’s place), Maz immediately asks Han, “who’s the girl?”  The scene immediately cuts before Han answers.  The next time we see Maz is in her basement talking to Rey after the Force vision she had. I think she might have figured something out.... This conversation takes on a whole different feel if you watch it under the assumption Maz has put some things together here:

Rey - "What was that? I shouldn't have gone in there"
Maz - "That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him and now it calls to you!" ESTABLISHES LINEAGE
Rey - "I have to get back to Jakku"
Maz - "Han told me" WHAT DID HE TELL YOU? DOES HE HAVE AN INKLING? "Dear child, I see your eyes - you already know the truth. Whomever you are waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back, but there's someone who still could" THEY AREN’T COMING BACK BC THEYRE ALREADY HERE - AND KYLO KNOWS SHES NOT ON JAKKU ANYMORE - NO ONE HAS A NEED TO GO BACK TO JAKKU
Rey - "Luke"
Maz - "The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. I am no jedi, but I know the force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes, feel it. The light. It's always been there. It will guide you. The sabre - take it."  MAZ KNOWS JAKKU IS POINTLESS.  STRANGELY SHE DOESN’T SAY YES OR NO TO “LUKE”, ONLY THAT THE LIGHT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE ......SHES ASKING REY TO REMEMBER....?
Rey - "I'm never touching that thing again, I don't want any part of this"  IN HER VISION, REY DID REMEMBER SOMETHING AND IT WAS OVERWHELMING.  SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN AFRAID WHAT SHE SAW WAS TRUE AND WASN’T PREPARED AT THAT MOMENT TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF THE TRUTH.  Maz knows that she can’t be told the truth bc she’d never believe it.  She has to remember.... this happens in a lot of movies btw.

Why did Ben hide her away - and then not tell her the truth about who she is?

Well, Ben has some family issues.  He feels betrayed by his uncle and by his parents for leaving him with his uncle.  Then there’s the fact that his grandfather was one of the most powerful Sith of all time.  He is quite split, filled with anger and confusion.  Where he could kill his father and wanted to kill his uncle, he could NOT kill his mother.  Nor his sister. Now he couldn’t leave Rey with the memories she had of him killing people she cared about, nor could he leave her with memories of the kind of people their parents are.  He must leave her with no knowledge of any family - including him.  So he does, and further pushes his agenda (of getting Rey to come with him willingly) by lying to Rey about who her parents are.  He tries to convince her that she truly is a no one from no where so she doesn’t have the same family hang-ups he has.  He knows his family is a weakness of his and in his way, is trying to free her of having to deal with the same issues. 

“You know the truth. Say it. Say it. They were nobody. They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a paupers' grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You're nothing. But not to me. Join me. Please.”

See what Kylo does here?  Rey’s parents are disappointing, uncaring and dead.  (All the opposite of what they really are.)  They are nothing and she is less.  The only out she has is Kylo - he is her savior, leader, mentor....her family**. Ultimately, she is the sister/apprentice he wants by his side so they can rule the galaxy.

Kylo wants to tell her so bad that they are family, but is waiting for the opportune moment.  Like he did with what really happened with Luke and him.  It could have happened in Snoke’s throne room but he could tell Rey wasn’t buying-in.  So we wait.

Finally, we have seen episodes 7 and 8 pay off huge nods to the original trilogy.  Many of the same beats and story lines run parallel in the sequels (ex. death star vs starkiller).  This is all building up to a “no, Rey I am your Brother” kind of payoff/holy crap apex in IX.  And it would great.

All of this could be true....from a certain point of view.....but the Dark side clouds everything....

**If absolutely NONE of this ends up correct, I won't care.  This is just a look at all the coincidental evidence out there.  If this just ends up a fun deep dive, so be it.  I'm probably going to love IX no matter what.  But as we say on the pod, "when your predictions become your expectations, you will leave disappointed." 

A Meaningful Birthday

To me, birthdays have never been a huge deal.  While I've always appreciated the cards and gifts that I'd receive (along with the mud pie, strawberry shortcake and ice cream), I've always thought it was a little strange to celebrate something that I had very little to do with.  Celebrate my poor mother who squeezed my melon head through the birth canal. Listen, I understand why we celebrate birthdays, it's just not a big deal to me. The truth is, we get older every day. When I turned 18, I probably had track practice - just like when I turned 16 - and I didn't get my license because I was still taking the driver's ed.  When I turned 21, I came up from Portland and had a few friends come to my folks house.  Many birthdays as an adult have been spent at parent conferences.  A handful of times my bday has coincided with Easter, which is cool because that is a worthy reason to celebrate.  Most birthdays usually involve getting together with my family and having some cake.  Nothing big or extravagant, and certainly no traveling. Cortney threw me my first surprise party when I turned 38 and it was perfect.  A couple friends, and like always, my fam (which includes her fam now too).  All that to say that you can celebrate yours however you like; this year will be different for me.

I turned 39 last March which means a few things: I'm obviously getting older (I swear I was just in my 20s), I should be getting more mature and wiser, and the next birthday is a biggie.... 40!  Instead of doing the norm, I want to do something different.  Some people want a party, some want a star to be named after them, some want a new chainsaw or car or whatever the case may be - I want a well.  I'm going to build a well.  Well, not actually dig and build a well, but fund the digging and building of a well in a place that needs it badly.  Maybe Africa.  Maybe South America.  Maybe Asia.  The location is irrelevant to me.  Where there is water, there is life.  Water changes everything.

Some simple points to bring some meaning to the plan:

• 4,500 kids die every day from diseases related to drinking dirty water.  Think of it like this - diarrhea is a big child-killer in places where clean water doesn't exist.  Death by dehydration.  The only way to battle dehydration is to drink more of the dirty water that got them sick to begin with.  It's a cycle that doesn't have to exist. 
• Many schools in poor/underdeveloped communities don't have clean water or bathrooms.  This has obvious ramifications but a real simple one is that teenage girls miss school a week out of the month, every month, because they are unable to take care of their cycles.
• The gathering of water is typically done by women and they walk as much as 8 hours a day to do so - only to get as much as they can carry (up to 5-6 gallons typically, which is heavy!).  Then they have to decide what to do with that (dirty) water once it is home. Drink it? Prepare food with it?  Clean their clothes or bathe?  Water their plants/garden?  Five gallons is one flush of the toilet for us.
• Trekking such distances for poor water is dangerous as well.  The further away from the village one goes, there is an increase of animal attack, theft, rape and murder.  All this just so they can get a few jugs of dirty water that could potentially kill them anyway....

Where there is clean water, there is improved health and quality of life.  Where there is clean water, there is education.  Where there is clean water, there is agriculture.  Where there is clean water, there is commerce.  Where there is clean water, there is dignity.  Where there is clean water, THERE IS LIFE.  This is what WE can help provide to people desperately needing it.  Can you imagine what the 25 year old mom can do with the 8 hours she now has because she doesn't have to walk every day for 6 gallons of water???  What a gift! 

It costs $10,000 to build a well and that's my goal.  I'm donating my birthday to Charity: Water. I've researched the charity and it is incredible (I encourage you to look them up too). 100% of the donations go right to the well.  So I'm asking if you will donate $40 for my 40th.  I've never raised money like this before and 10k seems like a lot.  That's why I'm starting 10 months out.  If 250 people/families donate $40, BAM, there's a well.  I know 250 people and you are one of them.  I'm hoping that on March 27th, 2017, I can transfer $10,000 out of my PayPal account and drop it into Charity: Water - and then they send me the location of the well via GPS and Google Earth and WE can see how WE have changed the lives of a village or an area.  Sounds cool right?  Give according to your means and partner with me on this opportunity to do something life-changing to a community.  Let's do this!

A different time

In the last month, two coaches from my youth have passed away: Mike Heuer and Dick Compton.  Mike coached (with a few other guys) the very first football team I played for - Kelso Merchants (6th grade) and Dick coached my baseball team in 5th and 6th grade (Elks).

I really enjoyed playing for those guys.  Both made playing and practicing a worthwhile experience.  Mike had known family members of mine long before I came along and he and I remained friends until his passing.  I hadn't seen Dick in many years, but I remember him as a slow-talking, kind hearted man.  As I got older, one thing that I really grew to appreciate about these guys is their devotion to youth sports.  Neither of these men had kids on the team when I went through.  They coached for the love of coaching and their belief that sports are important.  Those kind of guys are on the endangered list.  To coach a team, and give all that time and energy on kids who aren't yours for the sake of a community really speaks loudly of what kind of men they were.  Most teams nowadays (regular season and all-star) are headed up by a parent of a child who is on the team (or is headed up by a parent who's child's only chance of being on an all-star team is if his/her dad is the coach - but that's a post for

another time).  And there are many mom's and dad's that are good coaches, but often the parent is either way too lenient on their child or way too hard.  I imagine that you can think of more than one example of an unhealthy parent-child coaching relationship.  I can.  In my opinion, my desire for controlling what/how my kids learn sports is not worth disenfranchising them from the sport - or worse, straining my relationship with my kid. I love the model of instruction where a child learns fundamentals from someone with experience/knowledge, and then the parents support/practice/build on that knowledge and skill at home.  I also understand that where there's a need, sometimes you don't always get to choose who the coach is, so I'm also thankful for parents who step up.

I love coaching, and I like that I get paid for it - even if it's just a stipend.  But those types of guys are on a different level because they weren't paid.  It was all volunteer - for many years!  It was what they did because they believed it to be the right thing to do.  It was worth the time at practice/games and planning for them. It was worth coaching the kid who was just starting out and the kid who was athletically gifted. It was worth the second guessing from parents/fans.  It was worth the time away
from their own families. I love that.  Guys like Mike and Dick made a huge difference to me, as I'm sure they did to many kids.  It was a different time I suppose - I think.  It seems like non-parent coaches were common then, and much less now.  We need more people like them.

So let me thank all my youth sports coaches: Mr Karnofski, Mr Adams, Mr Cox, Mr Davis, Mr Hiatt, Mr Compton, Mr McGee, Mr Allred, Mr Heuer, Mr Dunlap, Mr Sundquist, Mr Morrison, and apologies to any I may have forgotten.  (It's been awhile so forgive me.)

That's Incredible!

Incredible - inˈkredəb(ə)l

adjective

1. 1.

   impossible to believe.

   "an almost incredible tale of triumph and tragedy"

   synonyms:

   unbelievable, beyond belief, hard to believe, unconvincing, far-fetched,implausible, improbable, highly unlikely, dubious, doubtful

Remember the old show from the 80's That's Incredible?  It was one of the first reality tv shows and

featured John Davidson, Cathy Lee Crosby and Fran Tarkenton.  I loved it.  You'd get to see people doing incredible things in incredible ways in incredible places.  As a little kid I'd often respond to such episodes with awe and wonderment, "whoa!"

The last year has been pretty incredible for me.

Found out I would be teaching middle school for the first time, got married - with a step-son, got a new truck as a result because my old one got too small real fast, am finishing the basement now too for the same reason, went on a teacher strike, and now have a baby... incredible.  And that's all in less than a calendar year. Any one of those things happening in a year would have given me plenty to do (and think about) but holy smokes.  I also would have considered myself lucky to have gone through just one of those (except the strike - that wasn't fun but I did learn a lot) but I got to experience them all!  It's beyond belief.

A couple years ago I had resigned myself to the notion that I wasn't going to have any more kids.  This was kind of sad, not because I had been disappointed in my only kid (hardly), but because I had always envisioned myself as dad of a few.  Being around Kaeden (Leah's oldest) for 8 years and then suddenly not being around him was a painful experience as well, and I went through times where I was ok with not taking that risk again too.  In all honesty, a couple of years ago, dating was going not well (I'm a terrible dater) so the idea of just Dash and I would be fine moving forward.  I knew that it was going to take a lot, and someone incredible, for me to reach for "completeness" again.  Thinking about that was overwhelming.  Mind you, Cortney and I first started being around each other a couple years ago but I was far from a sure thing.  (I'm surprised she hung around. Thank God she did though.)

Fast forward to now: I come home from a busy day of 13 year olds to Zain squeezing my knees, "Hi Daddy Andy!"  Dash is reading or playing video games  but comes and sits by me when I plop onto the couch.  Cortney kisses me and gives me Tov.  There's no place I'd rather be. I am a happy man.

Can I tell you about Tova for a minute?  She's been a great baby.  I don't mind the diapers or the sweet little crying.  I enjoy the ridiculous little girl clothes and accessories.  Her hair is brownish/redish for now and I think her eyes will be brown or green eventually.  She is beautiful and I'm so lucky to have her.  I get asked about her a lot - especially her name.  We heard it from my Aunt Paula.  Tova is a Hebrew word for good, but it's a Scandinavian name. Good.  A short name that is easily spelled and easily pronounced - a teacher's dream.  And good.  She's good.  My family is good.  My life is good.  I think what Cortney - and Tova - have done for me has been so good for me.  They have put a peace on my life that I didn't know I was missing/needed.  A calmness.  A good-ness.  It's not by accident that I am where I am today, and it's not necessarily because of me.  I have a wife that sees what kind of man I can be and pushes me to get there.  Anyone who would have met me for the first time 2,3,4 years ago would not have gotten real excited about who I was.  I know this.  But a good woman does strange things to a man, and I have "found a good thing".  She is incredible.

So why do I teach anyway?

Why do I teach?

I always knew I was going to teach. Even in grade school.  There was a brief moment where I took a left turn and wanted to train Killer Whales, but I guess I’d still be teaching...sort of.  I’m 3rd generation on my dad’s side: Oscar Lemiere, Randy Lemiere, and me.  Those that know my dad (he’s the principal at Three Rivers Christian now) and knew my gramps know that I have an impossible job of filling their shoes.  Talk about setting the bar high!  There’s actually a lot of teachers in my family.  I can count ten easily.  It’s in my blood.

My family is local.  Both sets of grandparents graduated from RALong, dad from MM, mom from Kelso.  I’m a Butler Acres Bulldog (when I rule the world my first order of business is to bring the Bulldogs back), Coweeman Cougar, and Kelso Hilander just like her!  I was one of those students who loved school.  The interactions, the ideas, and the people.  All of it.  I loved KHS.  I hated math though....surprised?  Let me backtrack and say that I had great math teachers: Dot Joslin, Russ Rambo, Mark Olson, Russ again, and Mary Beth Babbit/Tack.  I began to love math in college when I began....tutoring math students.  Teaching made me love what I disliked - just like some of my students (I’m joking, kind of...)

I left for college all the way down in Portland, but immediately got hired by my old math teacher (Tack) at KHS and became the new Jim Perkins (retired) in 2000.  Kelso is the only place i’ve worked and it’s the only place I want to work.  My loyalty is deep to Kelso.  I get to work, and make a difference in young people’s lives in the place where it happened for me.  I love that.  I love that I get to teach young people what it means to be a Hilander - because it really does mean something.  I love that I get to, and have gotten to teach with the teachers that made a difference in my life: Wingate, Hymes, Hippi, Carpenters, Cooper, Clark, Wheeler, Tack, Stewart, Ames, Clawson, DeLong, Demming, Lovingfoss, Lauzis, Sargent, and on and on and on.  And finally, I get to work with all of you fine people - a fine mix of my former teachers, people I went to school with, and even some of my former students!  God Bless you guys.

#3 is a BOY or GIRL

Are going 3 for 3 in boys, or if we get to throw a little girl in the mix....but first, I have to say a few things about my 20th class reunion.  

It was great! Yes, more people needed to come - especially the nerds that were in town. I had so much fun catching up with old friends, and it was great to see the ones I didn’t know well too.  Everyone looked good, and going ten or twenty years between visits is much too long.  Class of 95’ has always gotten along well overall and is a good group of Hilanders. I encourage you to go to your reunions, whenever they may be.  Two quick things:

1. Cortney was a trooper hanging out with the “old” folks. She knows a few of my classmates (and likes them), but she set the bar pretty high for being a good sport.  She’ll have lofty expectations for me when I attend her 20th reunion in 2045.
2. Backhanded compliment of the reunion goes to my friend Lisa, who said this to Cortney, “I know Andy is a good enough looking guy.... but how did he get YOU?!”  Thanks Lisa....I think.  Great question though.  The best answer I can give is that if you ever find yourself having to get through a maze (i.e. corn maze, David Bowie Labyrinth, of just feel like slaying a Minotaur) all you need to do is keep a hand on the right (or left) wall and never lose touch.  You’ll eventually get through. Yes, you’ll go down some dead ends.  Yes, it might take a really long time.  Yes, there may be some faster ways.  But in the end, you’ll be guaranteed to get where you want.  The analogy here isn’t that Cortney is a perilous, tedious, or dangerous series of pitfalls and snares that I had to traverse to get her heart.  Nor is she a Minotaur.  I think she sees me for what I can be (which can be fair to middling) , and not, at times, what I am - which is a man who trips and stumbles around life’s obstacles, a man who sometimes insists on banging his head on a dead end instead of backing up and trying a new route, a man who needs help, and a man who needs Help.  So I guess I didn’t answer Lisa’s question at all.  There’s no logical reason why she’s with me.  I “got” her because God looked down and had mercy on me.  He saw that I needed help with my life so He sent me her.  And I am grateful.  (We all know she got the short end of this deal so my life’s goal is to lessen the gap between her awesomeness and my tom-foolery so that it’s not so bad for her.)

And that brings us to why we are here on this blog post.  We have a baby coming somewhere around January 18.  Those that know me know that I’ve always wanted a big family.  I was blessed to help raise Kaeden for 8-ish years and continue to love that young man.  Then Dashal came along and changed everything forever for better.  Then life changed a bit and I had reserved myself to thinking that Dash was going to be my only child - which was more than ok with me!  I mean, if you’re going to have one kid, it might as well be Dash right?  But now I get more! 

ZAIN!

And baby ________!

We don’t have a name yet.  And while we would love to hear your opinions on what to name it, we reserve the right to laugh if it’s ridiculous.  To be fair, I am good at ridiculous, as Cortney learns more and more...

Here’s why I wanted to have a boy:  I am one.  I have one.  Cortney has one.  We are familiar and semi-prepared for one.  It is the more convenient choice between the two, if that counts for anything.  Boys are awesome.  There are 3 boys in my family (2 of which turned out very well). I would love a third.

Here’s why I wanted to have a girl:  Well, to be honest, I always would have rather had a boy.  What I know vs what I don’t know.  And I don’t know crap about females.  I love my niece Lily to pieces though so that has softened some of my pre-conceived ideas of fathering a daughter.  I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever changed the diaper of a girl before.  I’ve never had to talk to a girl about getting her period (I laugh at the visual i get in my head).  I don’t know how to braid. Picking out an outfit for a boy is a non issue.  The colors often don’t even need to match.  But for a girl...?  Accessories!  Ugh.  I could go on...  But there is a considerable part of me that openly embraces the notion of a daughter.  I don’t back down from challenges.  A daddy’s girl sounds nice.  I have guns already.

When we found out at the ultra-sound, it was pretty quiet/business-as-usual. We hugged and kissed and left in separate cars.  Little did I know that she cried (happy tears) all the way home.  Little did she know that I cried all the way to Safeway.  Shoot.  Then I had to go in.  And to be honest, I wandered around the aisles a while just thinking about #3.

By the way, God willing, this is the last one.  WE are getting fixed.  I’ve had my Roy Hobbs moment (where the old guy comes back after being counted out and hits one last  ball out of the park. A home run in a couple of ways I suppose. The Natural.).  Three kids makes our hearts full.  Our house too. 

I doubt if it's still a surprise at this point, but we are, in fact, having a baby girl!  Little secret: it's what we both wanted!  January can't come fast enough!

1-4-3

I found this blog from a few years ago that I never posted.  I don't recall why, but after a quick edit, I decided to post it since it is still relevant (original post is in red):

I don't say "I love you" very much.  I don't say it to many people either.  Never have.  Not because I don't love, or even find it hard to love, but because of what it means.  I think that I may be "in my head" about it, but I think the word LOVE is the strongest word we as people can use (in context).  Therefore, I do not take it lightly, nor do I throw it around casually.  I've come to realize however, that I should loosen up on my usage and not cling so tightly to my "I love you"'s as if there were only a finite number of them to be spoken.  

A few years ago, through a series of brief conversations, I was told that I had not told my grandmother that I loved her since I was a little boy.  After a brief period of reflection, I realized that indeed I hadn't!  I of course love my gramma very much and was embarrassed/ashamed that I hadn't put into words in so many years.  So I told her immediately.  And again the next time I saw her.  That's the genesis of this post.

I have to remind myself to tell people I love them because it doesn't come naturally.  I feel weird saying it even if I really, REALLY mean it.  And I feel like I'm awkward about it when it's said to me too.  Dash is the exception.  He gets as many as I can fit in a day and it feels completely natural.  Everybody else is awkward and forced.  It's a problem, I know, but at least I'm not raising him to be an "I love you" tight-wad. 

I have a few guy friends that will tell me that they love me as part of their farewell and it always stymies me.  I freeze and stammer something like, "Uh, see you later man...."  Not only do I rarely expect it being said, but I don't know how to respond!  I feel like a jerk for not saying it back.  Most of the time anyway.

Here's why I think it seems to be more difficult for me than others.  I've seen countless people say it and have no idea what they mean by it, or not know what love means (at least in the way that I perceive what love is).  I've seen it used improperly as a manipulative tool.  I've seen it used when really the correct word should have been lust.  I've seen people say it and NOT mean it.  It annoys me to no end and I don't want to fall into those categories.  When I say it, I want it to be meaningful, I want it to matter, I want to mean it (as I have defined its meaning to myself).  

The older I get, the less stock I put into words.  The action is always more meaningful, so in my mind I'd rather show you love than tell you (I'm not great at either). And the counter is true: I don't need to hear that you love me (although it's nice) - I'd rather see it.  I've taken it to an extreme though and should vocalize it more.  Do I love my parents? Absolutely.  Do I love my brothers and their families?  Definitely.  Do I love my extended family?  Of course.  Do I love my friends?  Some of them, yes.  So as of my 38th bday, I am making a conscious decision to say it more.  I should.  Not to everyone, but the one's I've waited too long to tell.

I'm trying.  Just know that if I've EVER told you, then I meant it (and it's likely that I still do). And if I ever do tell you, consider it the best thing I can say to another person.  Because it is.

Fam

Over the last 3 years my thoughts and feelings towards "family", and what that means, have changed.  Maybe not a lot, maybe not at all, but I've definitely been thinking about and articulating what I want family to mean to me.

  

Ever since my little family was whittled from 4 down to 2, it's been on my mind a lot.  Rightly so.  I don't see Kaed much anymore, and though I still have a great relationship with him, his absence has had a greater impact on me than most realize.  In my previous post, I waxed poetic on how much Dash loves his brother and wants him around all the time.  I'm in the same boat.  Kaed was not just my girlfriend/wife's kid, he became like a son to me.  He was a catalyst in my being with Leah in the first place.  It was a priviledge to care for him and I openly welcome (still) every opportunity.  (Kaed's got a great dad btw)  But with him around much less now, it's caused some things to come into focus for me regarding Dash. 

Dash.  DSL.  Little Diesel.  My little boy is going to be in kindergarten next year!  How is this possible?  How am I this old?  Ha.  Lately I've been reading a lot on children who come from "broken homes" and study after study confirms some of my biggest fears: kids are like their parents!  Shoot.  What is normal in a child's life will most likely be the norm in their own homes as adults.  I'll be honest, that's a little scary.  And I'm going to do whatever I can to prevent some of his current "norms" don't become permanent norms.  I probably aught to stop reading all these parenting studies because all they seem to do is freak me out.  Knowledge = responsibility = prevention = A TON OF PRAYER & THE WORD.  

"Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be." -David Bly

Brotherly Love

Dash loves his older brother.  There's no getting around it.  For example, this weekend when he had his 5th birthday party, he was very happy to see each of his friends and family, but when I told him that Kaed was coming...."Yeeessssssssss!"  To Dash, everything is better when Kaed is there.  Everything.  Even showers apparently.  Dash took a second shower the other day just because Kaed needed one - so he jumped in with him - then told me that he wouldn't need another one for 2 days because he took an extra one.  (smart kid, nice try)  What's really sweet of him is that when he doesn't get to seem him he's genuinely sad.  I mean, it's sad, and sweet.  There is no "half" brother status between them, and I love it.  the really great thing is that Kaed reciprocates the feelings.  He really likes having little bro around.  They have a lot of fun together.  And I am truly thankful.  Iron sharpens iron after all.

This path leads to the Dark side

This morning I was encouraging Dash to dry off after our shower and jokingly told him, "hurry up and dry off or you're getting a spankin'!"
He replied, "that is NOT the way of the Jedi."

VD

For Valentine's Day this year, I will not be getting flowers and chocolates for a significant other, nor will I be honoring the Massacre that occurred on this day many years ago. Instead, Dash and I will be checking out STARWARS Episode 1 in 3D.
Rad.

Take time to smell the roses...and be thankful you're not someone else.

Isn't it strange how getting sued for someone else's irresponsibility can really ruin an otherwise good weekend?

Eric and Nick did worship with Phil Wickham last Sunday! Soooo good.

G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation (Soundtrack - Seven Nation Army )

G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation (Soundtrack - Seven Nation Army )

Did you know that the Oak Ridge Boys have a rendition of Seven Nation Army? No lie.

Eric is playing guitar with Phil Wickham Sunday morning down at Solid Rock. Pretty cool.

1-19-12 Snow

My Savior Dog

No, I'm not dyslexic.

Something strange has happened recently and I'm having trouble deciphering it. If you know me or have followed my blog at all, you know that last December around Christmas my white dog Murdok was put to sleep. You can scroll down and see the post, in which there's a photograph of his headstone. Anyway, my folks told me last week that Murdok's grave had been disturbed.

He's no longer there.

His headstone had been moved away.

Only the pinkish bed sheet/shroud was left.

I've always thought that Murd had a calming, almost healing power to his personality because he was so chilled out. Now, he's no longer where he lay. . . Now, I'm not suggesting Murdok is canine Jesus, but you have to admit the parallels are intriguing. 10 months dog time does not equal 3 days human time; then again, I'm no dog. The idea of The Shroud of Murd kind of cracks me up. It's likely a bear or other Brynion critter dug him up but still...

I'm absolutely into The Big Bang Theory these days. Makes me laugh. Especially Sheldon Cooper. If you're looking for gift ideas for me you can go with t-shirts from that show(large). many can be found, along with other sweet things at thinkgeek.com Just in case you were having trouble.

Happy Halloween

Cake

I went to another concert down at the Edgefield McMinimans this weekend. Saw Cake. Very different feel and crowd from the My Morning Jacket show. MMJ can flat out rock, Cake is pretty laid back. MMJ's lead singer is better at music than entertaining, Cake's lead is engaging and funny. MMJ does ten minute jams, Cake takes the Vibraslap to new heights. The crowd at MMJ was into the music (but not in a snobby way), Cake's crowd was into having a good time (but not in a Jimmy Buffett way). Both groups liked to get high. I enjoyed the opening band for MMJ and loved that MMJ played for over 3 hours. Cake had no opener and played a couple hours - and gave a way a type of Hemlock sapling. Pretty different shows. I liked them both though.
I did not, however, get a backrub from a stranger at this show, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
Dash has been substituting the word "humans" for "people". It's really funny.
I've hit double digit hornet stings in the last 2 weeks by repeatedly running over an underground nest with my brush mower - you'd think I'd learn...but it's not funny. Hurts. (urth)

Bon Fire

I heard once that if you want to get over a girl, put her in literature. Man, that sounds like something I'd do. Turns out, I have.

I was doing some cleaning the other day (gasp) and came across a box. Inside this box there was another box. And inside that box was a shoe box. It was this box that had some unusual contents: photographs and school pictures going back to grade school, along with notes and letters from old girlfriends. There were a lot of things that i found to be very strange about this as I was sifting through it. First off, how in the heck has this survived all the movings and cleanings prior to this? Why did I keep them in the first place? What do I do with them now? I admit that I am a bit of a sentimental guy, but I'm throwing them out. One note was from the 4th grade! It was strange that there were some notes and letters in there that i never gave. It's about the closest thing I'll get to having a time machine and going back to see myself in jr high/high school.. Man i was a dork (was?). You can probably attest.

Fast forward to "college-Andy". College-Andy has started journaling. He journals dreams he's had and dreams he wants to have. He journals about events that are significant to him, as well as insignificant things he hopes turn out to be significant. There's not a lot of talk about any particular woman or women, but there are frequent references to the woman he's yet to meet. The woman he is hoping to meet one day. The Woman. It's very sweet. I like this guy. If I could only talk to that guy...

While I was married, I journaled less because I had this blog. That was my media for my life at that time. Mostly light hearted, fun stuff. But for the last 2 years I've blogged less and journaled more. The content of my journals now? Spiritual stuff and chick stuff. I have two full books filled up from my divorce alone. The guy who wrote those was angry. Like he'd been stabbed in the heart 39 times and the wound got infected. I don't like that guy. That guy needs to meet College Andy and hang out with him for awhile.

I'm ready to be New Andy.

Writing and journaling have helped me out a lot over the years. It's been therapy at times and may have helped me not explode once or twice. It's also kind of fun to see the commentary I had over the high's and low's over the last 20 years. I am a total dork, and destined to forever be. What I'm wondering is - what do I do with all of it? My life literature is significant only to me and it's beginning to take up some space. I'm fairly sure I don't want others to read it, but if you have any good ideas what to do with it I'm game.

SPEAK INTO MY GOOD EAR!

Last night was july 4th and I was going to flick one of those monster Pop-Its at my cousin, but somewhere in the flick I discharged the megaPop-It right next to my right ear. I received shrapnel to my face and a distinct high-pitched hum that is traveling with me still. I can't tell you the physics on how it happened because I don't know how it unraveled. I'm ringing.

I got a phone call the other night from a friend of mine who'd had a little too much to drink. Actually, a lot too much to drink. The actual phone call was about 45 minutes long and included a lot of making fun of me and then ended with a marriage proposal. Strange? Not if you happened to be listening. But very strange because you are assuming the call was from a woman.

I went to another concert last week. Saw My Morning Jacket down at the Edgefield McMinamins in Portland. Great show. I didn't know them before, but I do now, and am a fan. Some highlights from the evening:

• There were a lot of high people at the concert - makes for fun people watching.





• There were also what seemed to be an unusually high amount of pregnant women (is the phrase "pregnant woman" redundant?) I do not think they were high, but they were well represented.




• We met a real nice white guy named Mateo (like San Mateo). He was so nice he offered me three things: whiskey out of his flask that he smuggled in, some of his weed, and a backrub in the middle of the concert. I accepted one of them.




• Met Jeff Oja. Changed my life. Funny guy. Just kidding, didn't change my life but we made some good fun at the expense of the people standing near us.




• Ok, Ok.... I got a backrub from Mateo mid-concert. But before you judge me, let me explain. There was a pretty rocking song playing and he puts his hands on my shoulders like he's going to start jumping up and down (which would have been appropriate), but instead starts rubbing them. He asks, "Does this offend you?" This was the perfect question for him to ask (assuming he really wanted to give me a massage) because I felt many things at that moment, but offended was not one of them, so I said, "No." What I was feeling was ackward, strange, confused, and hungry, but certainly not offended. So he proceeds. And it was weird. Imagine the middle of a bangin song, people jazzed, singing, dancing...and some stranger is giving you a shoulder rub??? I really felt weird and sort of uncomfortable - mostly because it felt SO GOOD. I'm not ashamed to say that I let him do it for the rest of the song (probably a couple minutes). So there you go.

If you'd like to take something as mundane as weed-eating and liven it up a little, try using 3-D glasses instead of your normal protective eyewear. I did this yesterday. Not only was it more fashionable, but when the little pieces of grass came at me it was like I was Neo from the Matrix.




There is no spoon.




I played at Hoopfest in Spokane for the first time a couple weeks ago with my buddies Jon Webb, Kelly Clary, and Jake Knudsen. We had a blast, we got beat and beat up, and we're probably going to do it next year. Lots of fun. Dash came with me too. I was so glad he did. Things are better with him there. He got his cast off btw. The picture of him is traveling home from Spokane.
That's about it for the last couple weeks. If you call me in the next couple weeks, speak up. Between the concerts, drumming, and fireworks, my hearing is mediocre. Here are a couple snapshots from the last couple weeks.

My new favorite vehicle...My old favorite vehicle with a big a$$ chair in the back. This is how I watched fireworks this year and I highly recommend it. I was a fully mobile stargazing/firework watching aficionado. I got this chair for $10 at a garage sale (talked him down from $20). Sitting in that big beautiful lounger is like you're enjoying the warm embrace of a soft, comfy hug from someone you love who smokes cigarettes.

And finally, this is the first house I lived in. We rolled through Ritzville, WA on the way to Spokane. Dad bought it for $17,000 in 1976.

All I Want Is U2

Seattle, WA, June 4, 2011

6:45am: Bill and I leave Longview/Kelso, headed for Seattle. We're both big-time U2 fans so we're making a day of it. He tells me he's booked us for a 9:30 reservation for breakfast at an exclusive place in Seattle - so I wear my nice shorts. I pack with me a change of clothes and my old U2 shirt from the 2005 Vertigo tour.

8:30: We arrive in downtown Seattle (yes, we made great time, but we were humming at a fever pitch from the get-go). The exclusive breakfast place Bill takes me to is his sister's house where we have some "old family secret recipe for waffles". They're delicious. I meet a number of Bill's family. They're delicious too.

11:00: We leave for downtown Seattle and wind up at Pike's Place Market. A classic stop when you're in Seattle. We get a fresh baked loaf of bread, a bottle of red wine, and a wedge of some "signature" white cheese and eat it on the north end of Pikes. Ideally, this would have been a nice date move, but still a good idea for two buddies. We then find a patch of grass under a tree and take 20 minute refresher (nap). I'm a little nervous to actually fall asleep because there's a lot of "street people" walking/living down there. . . but I do anyway. I wake up to the following coversation occuring 5 feet behind me, "...yeah, I was going to head over there to sleep last week but I had just smoked a bunch of crack and marijuana and they said they'd U.A. me, so I didn't. You know how it is!" (*cackling laughter*) Have you ever just heard somone laugh and know that the person was missing teeth? I have. Anyway, we wake up and walk down to the waterfront and up around downtown some more. Bill runs into a couple guys he knows. One of them knew my grampa Oscar. Small world. On our way back to the car we contemplate taking the ferry over and back just for fun - and we don't. then we contemplate hitching onto a sight-seeing group going to tour Seattle's underground, but that idea gets immediately snuffed when all of the group is wearing wristbands. Moving on. We grab a beer at Fado's. The gentleman serving us suggests a darker, red ale (i say no thanks, but Bill orders me one anyway - ended up pretty good). Then also suggests a shot Jameson. . . we look at each other and kind of give the "why not?" shrug. The concert pre-funk has officially started (fyi - the term "pre-funk" is the pre-party before the party). As we leave Fado's, I tell a pretty French lady sitting by us that she is beautiful. . . in my best French - because I'm trying to be charming. I'm not sure what I actually said, but she did smile back.

2:30: We head east down Madison all the way to Madison Park - which is lakefront. Bill tells me that years ago this was a pretty exclusive gay part of town. And sure enough, there they are! They had a section of the beach area cornered off. Bill and I walk the beach front all the way across and I'm giggling at how many pasty white people there are. Not that my farmer's tan is much better, but we definitely noticed that it was the first nice day in quite awhile. We then walk over to the Attic for lunch. I eat a "signature" meat loaf sandwhich, which is fantastic. Bill's sister and brother in law join us. This is the second signature food item i've eaten today and they both were worthy.

4:00: Back to Bill's sister's to freshen up. I put on my U2 shirt (that smells like it's been in a box since 05', because it has) and take another 20 minute nap. Why the second nap? Because Bill walks fast and we never stayed in one spot very long. All over the city we bumped into people going to the concert. Seattle was literally buzzing in anticipation. It was exciting. Fado's had a milk-board posted in front of the resturant stating, "Eat here Bono!" It was like that everywhere. Oh, and the weather was 80 degrees and sunny. This was setting up nicely.

5:45: Head to Qwest (site of concert). I buy some U2 gear. Bill gets us some beer and hot dogs - because we haven't quite eaten enough today.... On the way in we notice an insane amount of semi trucks filling the north lot. But I guess you need that to transport a 96-ton stage structure.

*Side story #1: U2 is my favorite band. It might not be yours, but it's mine. Lenny Kravitz also makes my top-10 so this is an ideal show for me. I've seen them in concert one other time and it was fantastic (2005 in Portland). I have every LP they've put out including a ton of bootlegged and concert LP's (78 total) and I've seen every dvd they've put out. I am a fan and have been for a long time. So I have some expectations, and they are high. By the way, there's a lot of local folks at the show - good to see you!

7:30: Ticket stub says show starts at 7:00 but nothing yet. No one cares though. Qwest is buzzing. It's still very light out. The picture I took for the blog is from my seat. Ok seats, not really a bad seat in the entire place. I walk up and see my friends Tyler and Jerry. They're near the top of the stadium but can see right down on the stage. Even up there, it's a great spot.

7:48-ish: Lenny walks out. This guy is cool. He and his brass and back-up sistas rock the joint. It was rock-funk, very James Brown. I could have listened to him for a couple hours but sadly, he played less than an hour. That aside, I was in a full lather and lost my voice in that 45 minute period. Lenny was awesome.

*Side story #2: The section where our seats were was a pure joy to be with. It was a triangular section (116) in the 100-level seats and we sat about halfway up. As I walked up to our seats I announced to the entire group, "There better not be any squares sitting in here!" I think that set the tone. Everyone in 116 was singing and dancing for 4.5 hours. We were like a black-gospel choir. Thank you 116 for being so cool. But this is not the story. I started the WAVE at Qwest field! Me. Andy. There were about 15 people in the top left corner of my section that were trying to get the WAVE started but nobody beneath them could see them because they were behind us, and no one behind them could see them because they sat rught under the suites. So being a good Seahawk, I took matters into my own hands. I stood up on my chair, pointed to the 15 and shouted to my section to follow them. And they did. It took a few tries, but we got it going! The stadium was putty in my hands. After the 3rd trip around the stadium (which picked up momentum each "wave"), the David Bowie's "Ground control to Major Tom" started playing which meant U2 was about to "walk on". The place went wild. I'd like to think that I got the crowd in the mood to jam during the intermission. I was Qwest's coach and gave them a "win one for the gipper" pep-talk right before the big game. I was U2's fluffer. Whatever you want to call it, you're welcome Bono. I couldn't shake your hands, but I could start the WAVE for you guys. Isn't that better?

Time Unknown But It Was As The WAVE Was Happening: U2 walks out to a huge roar and starts with Even Better Than The Real Thing. Bono is a "rock-star's rockstar". I can't imagine a concert going any better. Song highlights for me were All I Want, End of the World and Zooropa (which I guess they've never done live). They played all the good stuff, to which I sang/yelled every lyric to. And danced. It was better than 2005. The only possible thing that could have made it better? Bono raising the 12th man flag, but I digress. This was my first trip to Qwest and I now fully understand the reason behind it's reputation NFL-wide as a "loud" stadium. The assault on my ears far out-weighed the assault from my vocal chords.

*Side story #3: There was a short blonde gal in the seat next to me who was so drunk she could barely keep her eyes open, but she sang and danced her little heart out. I applaud her effort. When the first few notes from the synthesizer played Where the Streets Have No Name, the whole place erupted - so did she. It's a fan-favorite song. There's a point near the beginning of the song where the band really kicks it in and they turn on every light possible, so you can see everyone and everything (and it's awesome), and I look at this gal and she has tears streaming down her face on both cheeks! I yell at her, "Are you ok!" With eyes closed she nods and yells back, "I'm just sooo happy!" I totally agree. I'm happy too. Maybe the happiest I've been in a couple years . . . and about 4 months, 22 days, give or take. Just sayin'. Honestly, the last time I remember being this excited and smiling and laughing this much was when Dash was born.

Follow up to the story: Back to the little blondy: during the chorus I yell at her again,"Do you know where the streets have no name?!" and I point straight up to the clear Seattle sky. She shakes her head no. "It's in Heaven, and I wanna go there with you!" (like the lyrics suggest) Just to make sure I don't get punched out, I tell her husband too. He's game. So were the rest of the people sitting around me. I wanted to go there with all of them and they were on board. :)

After the show ended, I felt like the day could not have gone any better. That concert can't be topped. I mean it had everything - even a transmission from an astronaut (Mark Kelly) in space to Seattle specifically for this show! So cool. Check it out on http://www.u2.com/ under "video". Actually watch all 5 videos on that page. They're short and cool. Like Bono. And talk about a cool 360 degree video monitor for the concert! It could stretch all the way down to the stage, you had to be there for that one.

Bill and I eventually crashed back at his sister's house for what was left of the night and were home Sunday morning, just in time for church. Such a great 24 hours. You should have come.

Thank you Lenny Kravitz and your band. Thank you Qwest Field. Thank you Seattle. Thank you Bede's. Thank you Bill. And thank you, U2.

Humorous Cracks

My newly minted 4 year old has gone through a rite of passage (last week). He broke his arm. Cracked the growth plate at the bottom of his humorous bone, in the elbow. This is what happens when you dance to music played on Oprah...on top of an ottoman. Dash was a hurting little boy for 3 days until he got his cast, but once his bright red cast was on, he was instantly better. I must give him credit, though we didn't sleep well while uncasted, though his pain medication constipated him, though his elbow was swollen and sensitive, he did very well. It did make for a long week though. He is, however, one step closer to manhood - and it probably won't be his last cast if he's like his daddy at all.

If you see him in the next 3 weeks, he'll probably ask you to sign his cast. He's very proud of it.

I spent the better part of Memorial Day working around the house. My dad and brothers came by my aunt/uncle's house (next door) and we visited for a minute. The following events and conversations actually happened and no names have been changed to protect anybody...

My uncle Elten walks out of his garage and asks everyone, "Anyone want to see the first club I ever purchased?" and holds up an old wood-headed driver. We (dad, eric, nick, me, paula) look at it and my uncle tees up a ball and promptly smokes one out his back yard. Then Nick takes the old club and smacks one, with a slight hook, over yonder. Naturally, I grab the club next.

Now, before I continue the story any further, I'd like to point out 3 things. 1.) My backyard and my uncle's backyard are basically a steep downhill mess of forrest and fauna and flora. Many a golfball has been launched back there, this is not unusual. 2.) the last time I swung a wood-headed driver was when I was in high school - it was mine - and the head broke into 3 pieces. I even mentioned this while I took a couple warm-up swings. 3.) It is quite possible that Dash has a tighter handgrip than I do. Seriously, for a 34 year old man, I might have the worst grip in the county. Years of jamming/breaking/dislocating fingers have taken a toll on my poor hands. And the fact that I had been weed-eating for the last couple hours does not bode well for what I am about to do...

Back to the story. I tee up a ball and take a couple warm up swings - this is when I make my "last time I swung a wood-headed driver" comment. As I'm swinging, I think to myself, "I should have my golf glove on." Anyway, not to be outdone by my brother or my uncle, I swing away... I actually have no idea where or how far the ball went. No one did. Because we were all watching, in slow motion, the driver helicopter itself down Mt. Brynion. It was just like a movie, pure silence until the club vanished behind a small stand of Alder trees, then an eruption of laughter from everyone - except my uncle. I swear I couldn't have thrown that club any further if I tried. The 1970's driver did have a very slick grip, in my defense. But that baby is gone, never to be seen again. Elten was in sort of a laughing shock, Eric was crying, my dad was shaking his head. I did go and look for it, but there was no way I was finding it.

This was the second time I've done something like this.

It was pretty funny, but I did feel kind of bad for losing my uncle's old driver. He came over later for some shuffleboard and I beat him in both games we played. It wasn't a good day for him.