2009 in the books and up for review.

2009... where do I start? It started horribly and ended pretty horribly. Not too much good in between either. This year has changed my life and I'm a different man because of it. In some ways that's good. Maybe not in others. I don't really know what to say about it other than I think we'll see just how impactful this year was to me by seeing what happens in the years to follow. I wish I could say that I'm glad 09 is over so I can start fresh in 2010 but the events in 09 will linger. I don't mean to sound so gloomy about it, but that's the reality of it. 09 hurt. 09 ripped Dash and Kaed off big-time. 09 was the worst year of my life - which then by definition has to mean 2010 will be better, right? Through it though, I've learned much.

#1 No matter what, God is bigger than your circumstances. If He's not, then He can't really help. If He's not, then God is dumb. Life isn't always "fair", but thankfully God is still who He says He is. His plans for me are still better than what I can come up with. My trust is still in Him.

#2 God still works miracles. There have been countless times miracles have saved me in the last year. Maybe you were even a part of them (whether you knew it or not). There were a lot of rough moments/circumstances, many extremely tough days that were made passable my a word of encouragement from you, or an invitation to hang out, or a blessing poured out on me from out of nowhere (which is to say Somewhere). Small or not, to me those are miracles.

#3 Because of #1 and #2, (mostly #1) there is always Hope. Thank. God.

#4 It feels like I've lost so much, but I've gained much too. One reason God is so cool is that He uses people (those who are willing) to help. I cannot begin to list all those who have helped me out when help was unlooked for. You were miracles too. The friends I made this year will always hold some special place for me I think. Some old friends really stepped up too. I include family in this too. Words... are lacking.

#5 I think I know what it means to love. At least better than what I did a year ago. I was off, by a lot. I do feel more than a twinge of regret here, because I feel like I've learned a lot in this area. So is it better to have loved and lost? . . . Only if you get Dash as a result. I hope Dash and Kaed get a better dad/step-dad because of this. I think they will.

#6 I have a better grip on what's really important. It turns out, life is a lot simpler than we make it. We, or I, prioritize things in a funny order at times. Not that what I had prioritized was wrong, but rather in the wrong order. When you hit an all time low, what's really important becomes crystal clear. It's too bad that it takes low's to see that - sometimes.

#7 What's really important is your family. I do have a pretty big family. If there was ever a time I needed my family it was this year - and did they ever pull through. And it didn't matter where they lived (in town or out of state). They helped. They counseled. They held me accountable. They helped with physical labor! They tried to make my load a little less of a burden while making sure I wasn't spinning out of control.

I don't want to make it sound like 2009 was all doom and gloom (it was/is a bit of a soap opera). I'm thankful for what I've learned. Experience is the best teacher. And I'm so thankful for my friends and my family - for truly being my friend, and for absolutely being what a family is all about.